thoughts | excerpts



A Better Way On Memorial Day
[May 25, 2009]
I saw a guy waving a flag out of the back of his pickup truck this afternoon, and I thought "Y'know... that is precisely what is wrong with our country."

Happy Ham Day!
[April 12, 2009]
Easter is a creepy holiday when you think about it. We eat chocolate rabbits to celebrate Jesus becoming either a zombie or a ghost, depending on how you look at it... Wouldn't it make more sense to combine Easter and Halloween into one super-zombie holiday?

I Don't Believe In Giving Equal Rights To "Same-Sex Partners"
[March 12, 2009]
Creating a legal definition of "Same-Sex Partners" is discrimination. Luckily, there's a handy-dandy way for our government to avoid being a discriminator: All we have to do is...

A Christmas Wish
[December 25, 2008]
As those words left my fingertips, the West Hills disappeared in a shroud of gray, obscured by snow falling from the sky and swirling in the breeze. Unsure as to whether my wish had been answered or if it had been purely a coincidence, I decided to try again.

No Left - No Right - No Bananas
[August 28, 2008]
What I find most perplexing about today's polarization are the paradoxes we're creating along with it. Are you with me or are you against me?

As Good As Gold
[March 13, 2008]
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just smarter than the average bear. Or smarter than the end of a bull market, as the case may be.

To Catch A Pre-Dater
[February 1, 2008]
How can they run an ad for online dating during a show called To Catch A Predator? What kind of message are they trying to send here? "Does sex with a 13 year old make you horny? Well here's the next best thing!" Geez, what's the next ad going to be for? A Hanna Montana concert?

Tracing Circles Around The Sun
[December 28, 2007]
I have seen this spot before - this particular point in the circle we trace around the sun. It is the same as it was 365 days ago, and 365 days before then. I've seen it before and so have you, yet somehow, we think it is different simply because we are here.

Something To Be
[September 20, 2007]
Everything I knew, and everything I saw, and everything I was foolish enough to believe became everything I never wanted to be.

Hope, Luck, And The Swirling Sea
[June 29, 2007]
Well, crap. I've written this post seven different ways over the last two weeks without finishing the thought, and on the eighth attempt...

Should?
[February 23, 2007]
touch my hand. tensions rise. nerves can foil calm disguise

I Don't Mean To Be An Ash Hole, But...
[February 21, 2007]
To celebrate Ash Wednesday, I burned a bag of popcorn. Crap! As for Lent, I gave up belief in mythology.

Hate Valentines Day
[February 14, 2007]
Life gets crazy, and sometimes we could all use a reminder to take a step back and reflect on the things that really matter.

Shine A Litte Light For Me
[January 6, 2007]
The feeling is irrational. I know this, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wants the light. Bring it back.

And Take My Misses With You
[December 31, 2006]
Tomorrow is a new day, and I'll live it a new way, or the blame for continued misdirection will be mine.

To Pass Along
[December 9, 2006]
He does what he knows. She knows who she is. They are what they've left behind.

Tornado Ally
[December 6, 2006]
She was born like a kite in a storm. Though she howls like a tornado, she brings not winds of change.

Do You?
[August 26, 2006]
Do you remember being a little kid, and, even at that age, thinking that Smurfs were a pretty disturbing concept?

Inappropriate One-Sided Conversation Of The Day
[August 13, 2006]
"...downtown Portland is a lot like Israel, really."

I Am An Ocean
[August 9, 2006]
Could this be any more vague?

Olympic Fever Feels More Like Bird Flu
[February 23, 2006]
The higher the odds someone will wreck in spectacular fashion, the higher the odds I'll watch a particular Olympic event.

Wisdom From A Six Year Old
[February 3, 2006]
I didn't take this as a lesson that all people were bad, or even that all girls were bad. I just understood that this one particular bitch was bad. Very bad.

Oyster
[January 27, 2006]
"Hi! My world is squishy and gray. And it reeks of fish. Eventually, it'll be eaten."

Something
[January 3, 2006]
"You've got to believe in something" she said. I told her that I do.

The Holiday Shift
[December 27, 2005]
Christians have been celebrating Christmas for hundreds of years. That's all fine and good, but come on... I think they've pretty much got that one down. In 2007, let's give them Hanukkah. In 2009, we'll have them celebrate Kwanzaa. I want to see the Pope light the Mishumaa Saba. Damn straight!

Kiss. Write. Tremble.
[December 13, 2005]
So often, when I'm writing a difficult story, I find myself playing the part of the narrator - as if I'm telling someone else's story. In some ways, I suppose that I am.

To Tell You A Story
[September 29, 2005]
I want to tell you a story. I wonder how the next chapter will read?

Children, Discipline, And Beatings For The Worthy
[August 17, 2005]
"Jimmy, please don't pull the dog's tail. Jimmy, can you get down off that ledge? Jimmy, I'd really prefer it if you didn't stick your hand down the garbage disposal while it's running."

Discovery: Bad Things Could Happen
[August 3, 2005]
Please NASA, bring home Discovery's crew safe and sound. If not for their own sake, do it for the poor bastard aliens that have to watch us do this dumb shit.

Time
[July 26, 2005]
Imagine how much more we'd have accomplished if the Earth spun faster.

I Get High
[June 1, 2005]
I don't know his name, but I lived across the hall from him for two years. He has AIDS, a disease I am quite confident he contracted through drug use. I'm sure he'd tell you he never chose to have AIDS, but he chose to take the steps that led him to it. Is there really a difference?

With A Wish In One Hand
[May 16, 2005]
I've never been big on wishes, but lately I've been starting to reconsider.

What I've Learned
[April 7, 2005]
I've learned that I really care what other people think of me - but not so much that I'd be willing to change who I am for the sake of approval.

Nine Reasons To Smile
[March 31, 2005]
Does it make me superficial if I like numbers with curves? Sixes are good. Eight's are nice. Can't complain about a three here and there. Curvy, curvy. But NINE? Wowza! You get a big loopy thing at the top with a bar that drops straight down like a flagpole. That's hot.

Thirty One Flavors Of Cat Litter
[March 28, 2005]
I want to meet the person who owns Tidy Cat and ask: "What does your cat drop a load onto?"

My Happiness Starts With Me
[March 24, 2005]
I used to say I would give up everything I had to live a life I'd never known, but I would be doomed to make these mistakes again - because this is who I am.

My Valentine
[February 14, 2005]
Our little planet spins, causing the sun to appear to rise and fall. Whatever meaning we place on a particular period of time is of our choosing. So, choose.

T.P, But No Salvation
[September 29, 2004]
I learned tonight that if you are in line at a grocery store with only two items, and one of them is a shitload of toilet paper - pun intended of course - people will let you jump to the head of the line, without even asking.

Toothbrush Holder
[August 24, 2004]
Are the toothbrush holder makers trying to tell us something? What kind of m'nage-quatro relationship involves four people! That's far too complex for my tastes. Is it some kind of Mormon thing? Is my toothbrush holder religiously biased?

I'm A Believer
[June 18, 2004]
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Sir Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-1971)

The Secrets To Living A Happy Life
[June 9, 2004]
Free of charge, I present to you my secret for living a happy and fulfilling life. You're welcome...

Not Necessarily 'Lost' Loves
[May 17, 2004]
Even after a relationship has ended, the beauty of moments spent together will be something I carry with me. It makes me a better man.

What Do You DO?
[April 29, 2004]
As luck would have it - bad luck that is - 9/11 came next, and my answer quickly became "I'm F**ked." That was more of a "what-I-am" than "what-I-do", but it was the only answer I had at the time.

Ahhhhhhhh- Choooooooooo!!!!!
[April 2, 2004]
Tucker [my cat]: "dude you smell funny." Yeah but I have opposable thumbs so shut up.

Well I Wonder
[March 26, 2004]
I wonder who was the first to walk up to a cow and think "if I tug on the little hangy/dangley things, I'll get a beverage." How many other animals did he get his ass kicked by before figuring out that cows were the way to go?

The Distance Between Us [and a big rock]
[March 19, 2004]
Understanding is the key to success - in business, in government, in international relations, and in life. I'm aware that reads like a bunch of heebijeebie self help crap... but think about it.


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