one from the archives | excerpts



One Side Of A Conversation With God
[March 25, 2007]
Speaking of my birthday... thanks for the card. I'm sure it just got lost in the mail or something, eh? It's because I'm an atheist, isn't it?

My Way Out
[February 27, 2007]
I was 11 years old and somehow supposed to understand the undoing of a man in his 30's as he was laid into the ground during snow flurries in March, 1983. Pennsylvania was cold that morning, but surely I felt colder.

I Walked In On Them
[February 6, 2007]
It's not as if I was some sort of six year old. Please. I was seven, and a fine judge of what was and wasn't my business. This was clearly none of my business, yet I stood there and I watched, silently.

Oyster
[February 4, 2007]
"Hi! My world is squishy and gray. And it reeks of fish. Eventually, it'll be eaten." No thanks.

Dirty Screen, Dirty Mind
[January 26, 2007]
Take a good idea - even something absolutely trivial - and somebody will find a way to make money from it. And that's not always a bad thing.

The Ring
[January 11, 2007]
"If I had a ring..." I began, not really having a roadmap for the words I wanted to say. I reached into my jacket as if fetching something from a pocket deep inside, and I continued. "If I had a ring... and I asked you..."

The Eternal Optimist
[December 28, 2006]
"You know the old saying about the glass being half empty or half full? Well, my glass is twice as big as it needs to be because I've got more on the way." She grinned a spectacular smile that told me she got the joke, and that she knew I wasn't kidding.

Scared Of Santa
[December 24, 2006]
The following pic is one of many phenomenal shots posted at: Scared Of Santa! Check it out. Here's wishing you and yours a merry happy egg feliz nogging whatever you choose to celebrate in whatever manner you choose to celebrate it kind of holiday - unless to you it isn't...

Who Da Ho?
[December 20, 2006]
He of many names thought my theory of little sense was full of lots of crap. To prove it, he and his lovely one-named-fiance took me for a drive.

Wisdom From A Six Year Old
[November 29, 2006]
I wish I could have heard more of the conversation, but they were walking towards the father's car and I didn't want to look like some scary pedophile. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't captivated by this little girl. Her innocence was perfect. And it was beautiful. And she was beautiful.

I'm Voting Yes On Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5
[November 6, 2006]
Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5 would change our state Constitution to prevent political any candidate running for public office from utilizing campaign dirty tricks under penalty of a mandatory lobotomy.

The Snake
[October 26, 2006]
Jeff angrily scolded Billy, but Billy didn't seem to notice. His eyes were fixed on mine, not the snake.

The Cow Girl
[October 13, 2006]
"Maybe it wasn't his fault." (ohgod, I've now said it out loud) "What do you mean?" she asks. "Well... maybe the cow was at fault." (as if saying it again makes it any better)

The Balance Sheet Of Life
[October 7, 2006]
The moment you realize that to be true, you're screwed because there's no going back.

The Only Toy Tucker Ever Enjoyed
[September 26, 2006]
Reason #432784346784 Why I Will Someday Have Some Explaining To Do.

I Did Something Stupid. Bring Tools
[September 20, 2006]
There are three basic kinds of funny - chronologically speaking. That which was funny. That which is funny right now. That which will someday be funny once one is done feeling completely fucking stupid. This story is about that last kind...

I'm A Believer
[September 17, 2006]
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Sir Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-1971)


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