Roy's Tale

I've been on a spring cleaning kick lately, but it feels like the only thing I've managed to do is create more dust. Create? OK: FIND. Most of the dust was already in my wall of CDs waiting to be found. Find it, I did.

My wall of CDs is actually a wooden rack that stands nearly five feet tall.

Once upon a time, in an apartment that's not dissimilar to the one I live in today, I wanted to hear a song that hadn't been imported into my iTunes library. That meant, if I wanted to hear the song, I had to walk all the way across the room to fetch it from my CD rack. As if that's not enough, I then had to walk all the way back to my Mac, open the CD jewel box and insert the disk into my CD drive. All of that effort, just to hear one song. Oh, the humanity!

I looked over at my CD rack, and I could tell that we both knew I wasn't going to do it. Instead, I googled the title, and downloaded the song. It took less than 30 seconds. I turned to look at my CD rack again and said "I love you dude, but, what's the point?"

The moment the words left my lips I realized how rude I'd been. It's not his fault the march of progress made CDs obsolete.

What my CD rack needed was a new purpose. I looked him in the eyes (actually, I looked at his Is, because he was organized alphabetically) and I knew what to do.

Me: "I'm gonna Roy G Biv you, muthafukka!"

Him: "...?"

Me: "RGB, plus the oy and the iv... You have no idea what I'm talking about."

Him: "..."

Me: "How do you not know what ROYGBIV is?????"

Him: "...!!!!!!!?"

Me: "It's an acronym. It means Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet."

Him: "..."

Me: "I REALIZE INDIGO IS A KIND OF BLUE. That's not the point. Look, Roy G Biv is already established as a thing. Apparently, everybody except for you knows what it means, and that gives me an excuse to turn your pompous ass into a semi-functional art piece, so that's what we're doing."

Him: "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Oh, he'd deny it if you ask him, but the truth is, he was thrilled by the idea. After all, art has an excuse for being both pompous and useless: it's ART.

Filled with a newfound sense of purpose, not to mention the hundreds of CDs I finally got around to importing into iTunes, the only thing left to do was give him a name. And the choice was obvious.

I named him Roy.

Roy doesn't have enough OY for creating a proper ROYGBIV display, and he's pretty light on the G too, so the final outcome is more of a WRBBW, but that's too hard to pronounce. I'm sticking with Roy, and Roy doesn't really have much of a say in the matter. But, damn, doesn't he look cool now?

His name is Roy

Yes, he does. And thank you for noticing.

::::: | Tuesday, May 27 2014 at 3:12 PM
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Christie said:

Love it! My twenty-something daughter still buys CDs - that is, when vinyl isn't available. She says it's just not the same if she can't read the liner notes . . .

::::: | May 27, 2014 5:56 PM

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