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The Facebook Twenty Five

If you're on Facebook, surely you've been tagged with the "25 things" meme that's going around. It's like the office cold, but with quirky info (everybody ends up getting it).

Speaking of Facebook, feel free to add me.

Here's my list:

1. I have an undying love of sweet potatoes. If asked, I'll say that yams can kiss my ass, but truth be told, they're cool too.

2. I am a creature of habit. Don't introduce me to a new restaurant if you aren't going to want to go back there (again and again). At said restaurant, I'll endlessly debate what to have even though I'll probably order what I had last time. And I'll enjoy it. Again.

3. I am what I like to call a hard-core realist-idealist, except that I'm not afraid to put the idealism first so long as there's enough realism to turn idealism into action.

4. My favorite color is all of them.

5. At a very young age, I began collecting rare music on vinyl. Here's just one example among many: At age 16, I had an original 45 single of 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin, which was noteworthy because it had the otherwise unreleased 'Hey Hey What Can I Do' as the B side. A decade later, those fuckers put out a CD box set. So much for my rarity. These days, thanks to mp3s, nothing is rare. There's still plenty that's obscure, but nothing is rare. It's all just 1s and 0s waiting to be traded.

6. Hot, squish bread makes me very happy.

7. I once flew on an airplane that a terrorist organization made a point of noting that they wouldn't say whether or not it had a bomb on it. This was 1989 and I was in South America. Security searched all passengers individually in private booths prior to boarding. The man who searched me ran his hands along the outside of my clothing until he found the spot in my jeans where the front pocket seams meet (if that's what you call it... follow one of your pants-pockets to the bottom and you'll find the spot I'm talking about). He tugged it and looked up at me as if expecting me to say something, but really, there was nothing to be said. It was my pocket! If I chose to point that out, I'd come off as condescending, whereas if I said what I was really thinking, I'd have been arrested (I wanted to say "We'd both still alive, so clearly it isn't a bomb... now can I get on the plane?")

8. The very first time I was eligible to vote, I intentionally registered as a republican so I could vote against George H. W. Bush in the primaries. I voted for.. oh god, it pains me to admit this... I voted for... No. No, I can't. It's too awful. I... I... OK!!! I voted for Pat Buchanan! There, I said it. But here's the thing: Bill Clinton was going to easily win my state, so I chose to risk wasting my vote in order to cast a protest vote. (by the way, the "H" is for I H you man, I really H you!" Don't get it? Read it out loud. Very loud, in fact.)

9. I thought the whole Harry Potter thing was stupid - until I read the first book. After that, I was hooked. When the final book was published, I turned off the TV and all internet access until I could finish reading it because I knew there would be some you-know-what (and I KNOW you do!) who'd try to ruin the ending for everyone. I'll never understand why people do that... but they do. And since I'm an excruciatingly slow reader, no one saw me for days.

10, I enjoy the word Phenomenal.

11. I can be talked into almost anything so long as the word 'breakfast' is attached. I once helped a friend move from Houston to Minneapolis just because he said "I'll pick you up at 3 AM, we'll do breakfast and then hit the road."

12. Red wine. Definitely.

13. I'm so atheist that I don't even believe in atheism. I believe in me. And I believe in you.

14. Give me a kite, a little wind and room to roam and I become a 6 year old all over again.

15. I loves me an occasional Subway five.... dollar... foot... long.

16. I have no ability to be random. Here's proof: I dated a woman who enjoyed having 'random fights'. She'd yell a random word at me and I would yell a random word back at her.
She'd say: "Hippopotamus!"
I'd say: "Erector set!"
She'd say: "A lobotomy!"
I'd say: "A Tonka dump truck!"
She'd say: "Strawberries!"
I'd say: "An official 1958 Wham-O Hula Hoop, that just so happens to be in MINT CONDITION!"
...and, like a wanna-be actress walking out of the hospital after plastic surgery, I'm busted! I tried to hide my lack of randomness with specificity because mine were all classic toys. When she said "A lobotomy" I wanted to say "A phlebotomy!" When she said "Strawberries!" I wanted to should back "Snozzberries!!!" Instead, I tried to be equally random but found myself stuck on a theme.

17. I love Ben & Jerry's ice cream and can easily eat an entire pint in one sitting. If I fail to stop at the half-way point, I will... because there won't be enough left for a decent serving next time, right? Right? Exactly!

18. I over-use ellipses. And why not? There's always more to the story. Dot dot dot.

19. Due to the state of the economy, there is no #19. Cutbacks are literally everywhere these days. If I were to have included a number 19, it would have probably been something about how much I enjoy flying kites.

20. I am a diehard hopeless romantic and proud to say so.

21. My favorite game is Craigslist-Scrabble (also known [by me] as Myspace Scrabble). The rules are simple: Only misspelled or otherwise mangled words are playable.

22.My voting record is pretty impressive. I voted for the winner every time the good person won. That's an important distinction because - and understand this, Harry, 'cause it's very important - not all wizards are good. See #7 and #8. They're listed together for your convenience. Grin.

23. If a woman gives me flowers on a date, she practically owns me.

24. Whenever I'd go out to eat, back then I lived in Texas, I used to ask if they had a stout on tap - just to be a pain in the ass. After you've lived in Portland, the rest of the country is a beer-wasteland. I finally stopped doing this when a waiter came back to ,y table with a can of Guinness and proceeded to pour it from high above the glass. This gave me 1/10th a glass of Guinness and 9/10ths a glass of Guinness foam. Having learned my lesson, from that day on, I asked if they had a porter on tap.

25. I made an effort to space out the longer items on this list. See #16 if you don't understand why.

26. A bonus one because #25 shouldn't really count: I'd be happy if every day was partly cloudy and 58 degrees.

27. After writing the list of 25 things, you're supposed to tag 25 people. I didn't do that though. I accidentally created one piece of spam already, and one is one too many. A few years ago, in an attempt to have a specific person stop forwarding bullshit email to me, I wrote what I thought was a hilarious letter regarding cliche types of spam that suck. Apparently, that person forwarded it to everyone he knew, and some of those people forwarded it... and... yeah. Over time, the letter was forwarded to me by various people who had no idea I'd written it.

::::: | Filed under: the internets
::::: | Posted Saturday, Feb 07 2009 at 4:39 PM
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