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I Think I Might Be Pregnant
So, I was sitting on the couch at 1:30 in the morning watching When Harry Met Sally, and jamming a fork into a jar of pickles... cheap, Costco dill pickles... again and again and again.
The average person stops, after, what? Two pickles? Maybe three? Not me. I was chomping 'em down, one after another. Munch, munch munch.
As if the scene I've just laid out for you isn't pathetic enough, I should note that, eventually, a voice in my head cried out "Hey, wait! Isn't there ice cream in the freezer?"
Oh, yes. We had ice cream. And, by "we", I am of course referring to myself and the voices in my head.
While en route to the kitchen to return the jar of pickles to the fridge, I couldn't help noticing the sell-by date on the label.
"What the hell? Sell by February 2008? Are you kidding me with that shit?" Granted, we're talking about a massive pickle jar here, but still... "These fuckers'll be gone by next week."
...no offense intended to the pickles. (those fuckers)
This post brought to you by: No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog a book by Margaret Mason, which is available at Powell's. No, I didn't buy it. And the pickles weren't for lunch. Neither was the ice cream.
Oh god I think I'm pregnant.
Wait - I don't have a uterus. Or a vagina. NEVERMIND!
...I'm gonna go eat more pickles now. Those fuckers'll be gone by next week.
::::: | Filed under: humor
::::: | Posted Saturday, Aug 04 2007 at 12:12 PM
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Alice said:
Pickles are good and all. But I rarely crave them. Good for you, though.
I work for Costco. I am at the Portland store by the airport. I think we have a pickle jar break in the pickle isle at least once a month.
::::: | Posted August 5, 2007 12:26 PM
nmm said:
Were they kosher dills?
::::: | Posted August 7, 2007 9:58 AM
Me! said:
I don't know...
(goes and checks)
...no, they're not, but they are fresh-packed for extra crunch!
::::: | Posted August 7, 2007 4:26 PM
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