The Look I Never Knew

God damn the internet.

I found your picture yesterday. It came up during a very random search, because, like it or not, you have a common last name.

But you are not common.

'Common' is a swing set on a sunny day, but you are a seesaw in a storm, complete with thunder, wind and rain. In fact, you are the wind. And the rain. The thunder is yours as well. But when the storm has passed and clouds give way to reveal a sky of brilliant blue, that too, is you.

Your lows were among the lowest, but, oh, how your highs did soar. Do they still? It's been years...

God damn the internet.

God damn me.

I've looked into your eyes more times than I can recall, and I thought I knew them so well, but as I stared at your picture last night, I saw something new. And I was speechless.

There was a time when I knew how to make your eyes nearly jump out of their sockets. I've made your eyes close so tight your whole face would turn bright red. I knew the look in your eyes when they'd crinkle as you'd laugh. I've seen your eyes when you were sad. And happy. And angry. Every look from frustration to joy, I thought I'd seen them all.

But, as I stared at your photo, the look I saw was a look I never knew.

In the years that have passed since we saw each other last, you've married. I now realize that I never knew the look of love. Not from you. And though your look of love was not for me, it was just what I needed to see. It'll serve as a reminder that somewhere out there is a look of love, and it's meant for me.

Thank god for the internet.

Thank god for you.

::::: | Friday, Feb 09 2007 at 12:15 PM
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Dean said:

That's beautiful. I wish I knew who you were talking about!

::::: | February 9, 2007 11:27 PM

chantel said:

i could use a dose of that or ten. Very beautifully written.

::::: | February 10, 2007 3:49 PM

anonymous said:

I loved this post! I wonder if any of the guys I ever dated think about me like that.

::::: | August 9, 2007 1:51 PM

Shawnte said:

Thank you for this. I've been screwed over so many times that I have started to think that men just don't feel....or care. You remind me that they aren't all like that. Your posts give me hope.

::::: | October 21, 2007 9:39 AM

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