How To Screw Yourself Over, In Two Easy Steps

Have you ever woken up in the morning and thought "Y'know... today would be a great day to screw myself over"?

Of course you have. We all have.

Ahhh... but HOW?

The trouble with most methods of screwing oneself over is that they're just not obvious enough. Being obvious is key when it comes to the joy of completely and utterly screwing yourself over. The more obvious your method, the greater the odds you'll be able to watch the effects of your actions as they come barreling at you like a freight train running downhill.

But obvious isn't everything. You also need a plan to screw yourself over that will be foolproof.

Sure, you could write your pin number on your ATM card and leave it in the ATM machine's card-slot, but we live in such a do-gooder city that you run the risk of having someone look up your address so they can return it.

A plan like that is obvious, but not fool proof.

Well, I've got precisely the means for self-screwing-over you've been longing for. Not only will it work like a charm, it's also dead simple. Follow these two easy steps, and you'll quickly find yourself as screwed over as I am now.

The plan works like this:

Step One: Make an appointment to have your phone service switched from one service provider to another.

Step Two: Change your mind.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Every time I try the whole New Year's Resolutions thing, it never seems to work out. And yet, I try, try again. This year, I decided to look at my finances and see where I'm wasting money. Seems reasonable enough, right?

$168 a month for phone, cable and internet is too frigging much, so that made for an obvious place to start. $106 of that was going to Qwest for phone and DSL (unlimited long distance),

I decided to bundle those with cable through Comcast. It was a good idea that didn't pan out due to weird wiring and the fact that I wasn't willing to have cable stretched along an entire frigging wall. "How could there not be a cable outlet back there? That's where I need a phone!" Ack ack ack.

I said to cancel the order.
Comcast cancelled the order.
Qwest cancelled my phone and DSL.

Hey now! HO! Whoa there.

I realized what happened as soon as my DSL line went dead. Thanks to Qwest's superior customer service, I was given a world of help as my calls got routed to India and the Philippines.

"Listen Habib, I don't need to cycle my modem. Somebody didn't get the word that I wasn't canceling my service."

Literally TWENTY minutes after my DSL had been disconnected, I'd already been deleted from Qwest's system.

"Come on Mustaffa, how can I be deleted from Qwest's system if I'm talking to you now from my Qwest phone?" My phone went dead a few hours later.

Fuck 'em.

I've now lost my phone number as it's been ported back to Qwest, and I absolutely refuse to use them again. Getting them to port it somewhere else, I've been told, will take 60 days - and that's *IF* they can do it.

Fuck 'em.

Before Qwest could even figure out when they could schedule an appointment to get me connected again, Comcast got cable internet up and running for me. It's quite a bit faster than Qwest DSL.

Once I get a phone through Vonage, I'll have chopped almost $70 a month off my bills.

And Qwest can kiss my ass.

::::: | Saturday, Jan 13 2007 at 11:10 AM
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chnatel said:

I always thought the phone companies were run by the mafia just like the garbage companies. I try not to mess with them at all. Careful there Grasshopper.

::::: | January 14, 2007 11:59 AM

Sharkbait said:

I know your pain.

Can you get a wireless router at the place where the cable comes out of the wall, so you don't have to run the cable across the room?

::::: | January 14, 2007 3:43 PM

Me! said:

Yep - I've got a wireless router hidden away. The problem was getting a phone where I wanted it. Qwest's insanity convinced me to solve that problem. And I certainly have!

::::: | January 14, 2007 5:53 PM

anotherscrewdbyqwest said:

There are so many examples of qwest's insanity and out right criminal behavior, you could full a very large library....

::::: | December 25, 2010 1:46 AM

(won't be published)


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