Hey, Simon, I think they're talking about you...
"You may own a cat but cannot govern one."
- Kate Sanborn
"The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer."
- Paula Poundstone
"If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The cat lets Man support her. But unlike the dog, she is no handlicker. Furthermore, unlike Man's other great good friend the horse, the cat is no sweating serf of Man. The only labor she condescends to perform is to catch mice and rats, and that's fun."
- Vance Packard
"Cats are notoriously sore losers. Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility."
- Stephen Baker
"If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much."
- Mark Twain
"Chances are that a man who can nuzzle a kitten is also open and caring in other facets of his life."
- Barbara L. Diamond
"When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even."
- Penny Ward Moser
"If cats could talk, they wouldn't."
- Nan Porter
"If a cat spoke, it would say things like, 'Hey, I don't see the problem here'."
- Roy Blount,Jr.
"With the qualities of cleanliness, discretion, affection, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of being cats?"
- Fernand Mery
"By and large, people who enjoy teaching animals to roll over will find themselves happier with a dog."
- Barbara Holland
"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch."
- Leo Dworken
"Cats' hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other."
- Stephen Baker
"There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat."
- Wesley Bates
"Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."
- Mark Twain
"Never try to outstubborn a cat."
- Lazarus Long
"Comets are like cats. They have tails, and they do precisely what they want."
- David Levy
"A cat pours his body on the floor like water. It is restful just to see him."
- William Lyon Phelps
"Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body."
- Erma Bombeck
"There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat."
- Tay Hohoff
"Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning. He won't attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling."
- Helen Powers
"A cat can purr its way out of anything."
- Donna McCrohan
"You can't own a cat. The best you can do is be partners."
- Sir Harry Swanson
"In nine lifetimes, you'll never know as much about your cat as your cat knows about you."
- Michael Zullo
"I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days."
- Bill Dana
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it."
- Doug Larson
"When it comes to the advantages of cats versus dogs as pets, there is no competition. Try going away for a weekend, leaving your German Shepherd alone with a bowl of dry food, some water, and a litter box."
- Robert Stearns
"Everything that moves serves to interest and amuse a cat. He is convinced that nature is busying herself with his diversion: he can conceive of no other purpose in the universe."
- F. A. Paradis de Moncrif
"People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life."
- Faith Resnick
"A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem."
- Jean Burden
"Cats are absolute individuals, with their own ideas about everything, including the people they own."
- John Dingman
"Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties."
- W.L George
"If there is one spot of sun spilling onto the floor, a cat will find it and soak it up."
- Jean Asper McIntosh
"A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not."
- Ernest Hemingway
"A dog is a dog, a bird is a bird, and a cat is a person."
- Mugsy Peabody
"The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat."
- Jules Reynard
"Cats don't like change without their consent."
- Roger A. Caras
"The smallest feline is a masterpiece."
- Leonardo da Vinci
"Meow is like aloha -- it can mean anything."
- Hank Ketchum
"Cats speak a subtle language in which few sounds carry many meanings, depending on how they are sung or purred. 'Mnrhnh' means comfortable soft chairs. It also means fish. It means genial companionship...and the absence of dogs."
- Val Schaffner
"Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow."
- George F. Will
"Watch a cat when it enters a room for the first time. It searches and smells about, it is not quiet for a moment, it trusts nothing until it has examined and made acquaintance with everything."
- Jean Jacques Rousseau
"I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
- Hippolyte Taine
"The great charm of cats is their rampant egotism, their devil-may-care attitude toward responsibility, their disinclination to earn an honest dollar."
- Robertson Davies
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."
- Mary Bly
"To assume a cat's asleep is a grave mistake. He can close his eyes and keep both his ears awake."
- Aileen Fisher
"Cats are mysterious folk. There is more passing in their minds than we are aware of."
- Sir Walter Scott
"The only identification that would be inscribed on any cat's collar would be 'This is the cat's cat'."
- Elmer Davis
"The cat cannot stand a closed door. His great curiosity demands that he know what is behind each door and over each horizon."
"In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat."
- Warren Eckstein
"A meow massages the heart."
- Stuart McMillan
"Every dog has his day -- but the nights are reserved for the cats."
"When you're special to a cat, you're special indeed...she brings to you the gift of her preference of you, the sight of you, the sound of your voice, the touch of your hand."
- Leonore Fleisher
"As we all know, cats now rule the world."
- John R.F. Breen
"Night will always remain a cat's magical, fanciful time."
- Jerry Climer
"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat."
- Edgar Allan Poe
"The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal."
- Sir Compton Mackenzie
"There is the little matter of disposal of droppings in which the cat is far ahead of its rivals. The dog is somehow thrilled by what he or any of his friends have produced, hates to leave it, adores smelling it, and sometimes eats it. The cat covers it up if he can."
- Paul Gallico
"With dogs and people, it's love in big splashy colors. When you're involved with a cat, you're dealing in pastels."
- Louis A. Camuti, D.V.M.
"Which is more beautiful--feline movement or feline stillness?"
- Elizabeth Hamilton
"We cannot, without becoming cats, perfectly understand the cat mind."
- St. George Mivart
"Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this by all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish."
- James Gorman
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
- Joseph Wood Crutch
"A catless writer is almost inconceivable. It's a perverse taste, really, since it would be easier to write with a herd of buffalo in the room than even one cat; they make nests in the notes and bite the end of the pen and walk on the typewriter keys."
- Barbara Holland
"Just as the would-be debutante will fret and fuss over every detail till all is perfect, so will the fastidious feline patiently toil until every whiskertip is in place."
- Lynn Hollyn
"Such is one of those big-whiskered and well-furred tomcats, that you see quiet in a corner, digesting at his leisure, sleeping if it seems to him, sometimes giving himself to the pleasure of hunting, for the rest enjoying life peaceably, without being troubled by restless reflections, and little caring to communicate his thoughts to others. Truly it needs only that a female cat come on the scene to derange all his philosophy; but are our philosophers any wiser on such occasions?"
- Father Bougeant
Last, but not least, here's one I'm not sure I understand... but, whatever...
"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
- Albert Einstein
Let me assure you, Albert... Pulling a cats tail is not wise. Ever.