Frosty Tha Mutha Fukkin' Snowmizzle

Thank GOD iTunes has finally added a 'clean' version of Frosty The Snowman, because I find the unedited version of the song to be entirely inappropriate. You remember the original version of Frosty, don't you...? I think it's the one where the carrot isn't for his nose.

Alvin And The Chipmunks have an entire CD of 'clean' versions of Christmas classics, but be careful not to mistake it for their raunchier "Greatest Hits" collection.

Kudos to iTunes for adding these clean versions.

Take, for example, The Chipmunk Song. Sure, iTunes could have just stuck with the old standard: "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be For Bitches Like U)", but they chose to go with something more appropriate for all ages. Yes, iTunes added a clean version.

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer has always been a bit too edgy for my tastes. I'm glad someone finally had the sense to tone that rockin' bitch of a tune down to make it more suitable for this splendid season of giving. The explicit version goes into far too much detail about where his red-nose has been that left it so red.

Let's just say I never needed to know Rudolph was into that sort of thing.

And don't even get me started on the explicit version of Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town, where he's actually comin' to mess you up rather than deliver toys.

Interestingly, Perry Como is among those who didn't make the cut for the iTunes 'clean' label - but then again, everybody knows he's such a gangsta pimp, know what I'm sayin'? Perry Mofo Como...

But hey, that's just how Perry Como rolls when he's having himself a merry little Christmas. In his posse, the 'O' in O Holy Night stands for "Oh no he didn't! (oh yes he did)" And you KNOW that's right.

* * * * * * * * * * *

And now, a gem courtesy of Gizoogle:
"I saw Mommy ho-slappin'' Santa Claus."

Feel free to sing along...

* * *
I saw Mommy ho-slappin'' Santa Claus
Underneath tha mistletoe last niznight

She didn't see me creep
D-to-tha-izzown tha stairs ta hizzle a peep

She thought that I was tucked
up in mah bedroom fizzle asleep

Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white

Oh, what a laugh it would hizzle been
If D-A-Double-Dizzy had only seen
Mommy ho-slappin' Santa Claus last night

::::: | Thursday, Dec 14 2006 at 12:04 AM
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