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I'm Voting Yes On Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5
I'm voting an emphatic and enthusiastic "YES" on Oregon Constitutional Measure 428-36-09.5, and I want to tell you why.
Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5 would change our state Constitution to prevent any candidate running for public office from utilizing campaign dirty tricks under penalty of a mandatory lobotomy.
Why should Oregon voters vote YES on Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5?
I'm glad you asked.
Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5 might seem overly simplistic, but it goes far beyond a mandatory lobotomy. It also requires that lying and/or fear-mongering political candidates be strung a minimum of fifty feet high by a cable attached only to their feet in order to give supervised children armed with paint-ball guns a suitable target. Yes, the children will be supervised, and such supervision can include helping them aim.
Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5 earmarks funds for after-school educational programs for the purpose of teaching our youth about truth and dignity.
Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5 also ensures funding to transport our youth to the site where lying, fear-mongering politicians will be strung by their feet from a height of no less than fifty feet. Transported youth would then be armed with high powered paint-ball guns (under adult supervision) and given free reign to try to shoot those bastard politicians down. It would, of course, be nearly impossible to dislodge a lying, fear-mongering politician from his or her shackles (ok, it'll almost always be a 'his').
Studies show that paint-ball shots would most likely be aimed at:
- The Face (12%)
- The Stomach (06%)
- Genitalia (82%)
Maybe you're wondering... "Isn't Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5 cruel and unusual?"
Damn straight! That's why I hope you will join me in supporting it.
Unfortunately, Oregon Constitutional Amendment 428-36-09.5 only covers Oregon politicians. Sadly, the best we can do regarding lying, fear mongering sons-of-bitches at the national level is vote them out of office.
I'll do my part if you'll do yours.
Deal?
::::: | Filed under: one from the archives
::::: | Posted Monday, Nov 06 2006 at 8:07 PM
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