Listen Bitch, We Need To Talk

Dear Mother Nature;

What's the deal? Do you not understand how a daily average high temperature works?

It's early July. Every time you push the high temperature above 77 degrees, you edge up the day's average high ever so slightly. And when you fail to get the nightly temp down to 55 degrees, you edge up the average low.

Well that's bullshit, and you need to cut it the hell out right now.

I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. I appreciate the work you do. Last week, when you flooded parts of Washington D.C., I cheered you on. Really, I did. I don't like those political sons of bitches either. But we're good people here in Portland. We take care of our environment, which means that we take care of you.

I wouldn't be so pissy about this if it weren't for the fact that we took the time and effort to clearly label all 50 states with a handy color coded system.

Blue states care about you.
Red states don't.

Jesus Hoobastank Christ! Could it BE any easier? Oregon is a blue state, so could you cool us the fuck down a little? We hit 90 degrees downtown yesterday. 90 is a far cry from 77, FYI.

Roast a red state. They deserve it.

::::: | Sunday, Jul 02 2006 at 12:06 PM
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GaryJ said:

Oooh, YES, the red states should get all the globalwarming!

::::: | July 2, 2006 9:43 PM

Anonymous said:

That's gonna be my new motto: "Roast a red state." What a great idea!

::::: | July 3, 2006 8:05 AM

(won't be published)


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