Footinmouf Syndrome

Woman At Cash Register: "The total's 14.95. Your Safeway card saved you $3.19. Not bad."

Rob: "Is that a New York accent I hear?"

Woman At Cash Register: "Nope. I'm from Bosnia."

Rob: "That was my next guess..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Rob: "I'll have a Garden Burger with bacon."

Bartender: "You know it's real bacon, right?"

Rob: "Does that mean the burger's a real garden?"

Bartender: "...?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Aveda is where I am at my awkward-moment-best.

Somehow, I got signed up for their birthday program. This makes no sense since a bottle of their shampoo lasts a year with my short hair - and that's all I buy there. One annual bottle of Rosemary Mint shampoo. But once a year, I get a coupon for a free tiny bottle of cologne for my birthday, and even though I never find anything I like, I still feel compelled to sample.

Woman at Aveda: "This one might wear a little strong."

Rob: "Oh, that's ok. Half the time, you've got to get me naked to tell if I'm wearing anything at all."

Woman at Aveda: "...?"

Rob: "Hang on. That didn't come out right at all. I meant that colognes wear really light on... tell you what... let's get back to the part where you're the one talking and I'm just smelling stuff."

Woman at Aveda: "What do you think of this?"

Rob: "I don't think a guy could get away with wearing that."

Woman at Aveda: "Oh no. My friend Daniel used to wear this one all the time."

Rob: "And he's.......?"

Woman at Aveda: "Uhm..."

Rob: "...yeah?"

Woman at Aveda: "He's nice."

Rob: "Oh. I thought maybe you were going to say something else."

Woman at Aveda: "Well, he used to be a Daniella."

Rob: "And he wore this...?"

Woman at Aveda: "Well, she did. But she smelled great."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Oh, but I've got a better Awkward-Aveda Moment than that. Fast-forward to one year later:

For reasons he did not make clear to me ahead of time, the overly enthusiastic salesman who'd helped me with my purchase pumped himself a handful of mystery goo before turning to ask me the following:

"So, Rob, where do you shave?"

"Uhhh... Just my face."

The answer he was looking for was: in the shower or over the sink.


Mystery goo? Mystery solved. Why not just say "Would you like to sample some aftershave?"


...just my face.

::::: | Friday, May 05 2006 at 11:56 AM
::::: |


Mari said:

I LOVE the GardenBurger exchange! I must remember that for future use!

::::: | May 5, 2006 2:43 PM

J said:

I think Footinmouf Syndrome is a very charming quality to have. :) I certainly have it!

J to an upper manager over happy hour yesterday: "Oh so you actually do something besides play solitare!" THANK GOD HE CAN TAKE A JOKE! although this is spreading through the office like...well, gossip in an office. However, I got a sincere "Thank you" from his assistant(who does all his work).

* * * * * * * *

"Does that mean the burger's a real garden?" thanks i needed a laugh today!

::::: | May 5, 2006 2:53 PM

Debbie said:

Ha, Ha!!! Here's mine... I once walked in to a chinese fast food place, kids in tow, and straight-faced as could be, said "Yeah, I'd like a two-peice condom, please". Took me a few seconds to figure out why in the heck the guy started laughing, too. How I mixed up coNDOM and coMBO, I'll never know. I didn't know my skin could turn such a brilliant shade of crimson.

::::: | May 8, 2006 9:19 PM

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