Burton Is Not A Meal

A tip of the hat to the friend who introduced me to a marvelous piece of pub fare: the Veggie Burger with Bacon. It's delicious and nutritious - but it leaves me wondering.... what do veggie cows eat? You can't feed them grains. That'd be cruel. Thus, they must eat meat.

When I ordered my Veggie Burger with Bacon, the cook delivered it to my table with a smile, noting that it's even better with cheese. Do this, and you've got a piece of politically-incorrect perfection where everybody but you gets fucked over thrice.

The Vegetables:
1. they're eaten as-is (lettuce, tomato, pickle slices)
2. grains and such are churned into the 'burger' patty
3. and of course, the bread... which is made from WHAT? Right

The Animals:
1. we eat their meat (bacon)
2. we use their milk for cheese
3. and let's not forget that we insult them by deeming their meat unfit for a hamburger. I mean, really... imagine the insult to lettuce if people started making meat-salads. Last time I checked, Lettuce was still pissed about the concept of "pasta-salad," even though pasta is made from wheat. "It's a slippery slope! A slippery slope!" ...so says lettuce anyway - not that anyone listens

God bless thumbs I say! ...but I'm an atheist.

I am also a second-hand herbivore. I used to date vegetarians just so that I could enjoy tofu vicariously - but the truth of the matter is that, quite frankly, I think vegetarianism is cruel.

I can justify eating meat because at least animals could run - or fight back. There's a reason you don't need a gun to hunt spinach. Talk about an unfair fight. Deer sure would be easy to get if their feet were cemented into the ground... knowwhatimean?

I definitely keep an eye on my plants when I have vegetarian company over. Poor Burton, in his little red pot... he thinks everybody is his friend. He doesn't know about the cruel thoughts that lurk in the vegetarian mind!

He wouldn't stand a chance.

Technically, Duncan isn't a meal either... but he and I aren't on the best of terms lately, so he may have to learn to defend himself. Hhhmph!

::::: | Friday, Apr 07 2006 at 2:47 PM
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