Jalpuna

A Whisper To A Kiss

Maybe I'll just whisper.
Maybe I'll speak out loud.
Maybe I'll look you in the eye without the need to say a word.

These are times when the sound of my voice cannot adequately convey the thoughts that roam too freely through my head.

My thoughts want more.
My thoughts see you and wonder what could be.
My thoughts rearrange your words in order to justify fear of what might never be.

So there it is.

Fear.

My thoughts run rampant with oh so many fears and doubts.

I fear you aren't interested.

I fear my own gentlemanly ways will cause you to question whether I am interested.

I fear the inevitable letdown when the bubble of perfection that surrounds this moment finally bursts.

Tell me you're not over your first ex.
Tell me you're finalizing your third divorce.
Tell me you're still searching for the millions of pieces your heart was recently shattered into.

I'm listening.

My fears and doubts cling to your every word, analyzing each for clues regarding what the bad news will be.

You want four kids and a house in the country.
You have two kids and a McMansion in the burbs.
You are a child of the moon living in a hippie commune in Southeast Portland.

I wonder.

But as you look into my eyes, the well of words runs dry, though we've clearly not run out of things to say.

Maybe it's the time.
Maybe it's the wine.
Maybe it's the awkward pause that will not be denied.

My thoughts give way to a simple action.

I lean in.
And you lean in.
And then...

...my fears and doubts can wait.

::::: | Wednesday, Mar 15 2006 at 12:18 PM
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Comments:


Hydra said:

Wow.

I'm sorry.

I've felt that pain.

::::: | March 15, 2006 7:47 PM


Mari said:

I love your writing... it makes me feel like I've crawled into your brain for a just a second and glimpsed at what is really going on behind the scenes...

I keep hoping that you will rub off on me and I can capture my thoughts as clearly as you do...

::::: | March 16, 2006 10:56 AM




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