Jalpuna

She Called Me Rob

A name is a funny thing... though it is how you're known, it's not something you choose. And if you change or even alter it at all, you freak people out.

I was born in the land of Bobs and Bills. I swear to god that, at one point, half of my neighbors in Northeast Pennsylvania were either named Bob or Bill.

When I was a kid, they called me Bob. My father was a Bob. My step-father was a Bob. He worked for a guy named Bob. I once had a fish named Bob, but needless to say, it didn't last long. Once they start to bob, they're done...

I never liked the name.

I started working at the college radio station at the beginning of my freshman year. When i went in to do my first shift on the air, the DJ before me had the music up really loud as I walked into the studio. It was so loud that nothing could be heard above the chaos of what I would soon find out was a band called Hoodoo Gurus.

The DJ spotted me as I walked in...

"HEY MAN! HOW ARE YA?!!? YOU'RE ON NEXT, RIGHT? OH! WHAT'S YOUR NAME???!? I'LL PLUG YOUR SHOW!!!"

"I'm Bob" I said.

"GREAT!!! HANG ON!!!"

The DJ then proceeded to introduce me as Rob.

Now here's the part where I have to utter a phrase that is so typical of how the male decision making process works.

Well, there was this girl...

Right.

The college radio station was on the north side of campus. On the far south side of campus, a girl who thought I was cute left a message with my roommate. She said to "Tell Rob I said I liked his show."

Let's make this crystal clear: NOBODY liked my show that evening. My show sucked more than a Liposuction machine with a broken off switch. It's a fair guess that as few as two people were listening, and I was one of them. She was the other.

My roommate knew me as Bob. Having a keen eye for comedy a' commin', he realized he could have a field day with this. And he did.

After my show, I trudged my was across campus to find him waiting, with a grin.

"Hey Rob! Heard you on the air Rob! Somebody else heard you tonight too, ROB! By the way Rob, She called and asked me to take a message, Rob. Want me to read it to you Rob?"

I said "No, not really... just give me the note."

"Great! I'll READ it! It says: "Hi ROB! Congratulations on your first show ROB!" Guess who the note's from Rob!"

"I'm hoping not somebody named Rob."

"We don't know anybody by that name actually."

"Just give me the note."

I was no dummy. The fact that this girl listened to my train wreck of a show meant that she liked me. A woman who likes me can call me whatever the hell she wants.

So, I had to be Rob for a little while, right? Oh the things men do for love.

When I finally told the girl the story, and that I was - in fact - a "Bob" she said no.

"You're not a Bob." She pointed at my roommate and said "Now HE could be a Bob. But you? No way. You're a Rob. That's all there is to it."

She was right.

I've been Rob ever since, though, for a brief period, I was Rob-Bob. The truth of the matter is, I like being a Rob. Sixteen years later, however, my mother still says the name like she just stubbed her toe.

"Hi.... ....Rrrrob."

That cracks me up.

When I lived in Bolivia, I immediately decided that I wasn't a Roberto. There, I was called Robert, but that's a difficult name for Spanish speakers to say. It ends up sounding like Shroe-bart. That cracked me up too!

::::: | Tuesday, Feb 28 2006 at 12:07 AM
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Comments:


bonnie said:

Rob is way better than Bob. If your name is Bob you might as well be 60 with a beer belly.

::::: | February 28, 2006 12:25 AM


Wende said:

Thanks for dropping by--

And... You seem like a Rob to me. :)

::::: | February 28, 2006 2:22 PM


Wende said:

Oooh... I like how my name is all Big and Red... makes me feel important. Heh.

Oh... and on principle alone one shouldn't use the name Bob. People are NOUNS not VERBS.

::::: | February 28, 2006 2:23 PM


Mari said:

You are definitely too hip to be a Bob... Rob suits you, but that could be because I have never known you as anything BUT Rob...

Can I call you Shroe-bart instead? :)

::::: | February 28, 2006 3:27 PM


Me! said:

...only if the entire conversation is in Spanish

::::: | February 28, 2006 3:31 PM


Mari said:

I can do that!! It'll be a REALLY short conversation in Spanish, though *grin*

OK OK, I will stick to calling you Rob...

::::: | February 28, 2006 4:43 PM




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