How About This?

How about this?

What if we start this again. And I won't say the word I said, and you won't have the thought that's swirling in your head.

And it'll be just like it was before you knew.
When I was new.
New to you.

How about this?

I won't say it, and you won't know.

And you won't judge me.
And I won't judge you for judging me.
And I won't have to judge myself for judging you for judging me.

God dammit, don't judge me.

How about this?

It's just a word.
But once it's said, there's no getting it back.
So I won't let it leave my lips.
The letters won't touch my fingertips.

Not today anyway.

How about this?

It's just a word, but the word is mine. Once spoken, we've crossed a line, followed by awkward conversation and thoughtful consideration that widen the divide between you and I.

How about this?

I'll be such a gentleman. "After you," I'll always say. You'll never know why I prefer you lead the way.

How about this?

I won't ask.

You'll never know that I don't know what that says. You'll never be aware that I'm not aware of what that is. That thing over there. That thing I haven't yet deciphered. I don't need to because there's you.

How about this?

I'll speak in clever phrases, leading the conversation where I need it to go. And you will do your part. Without realizing it, you will provide the necessary details.

That's my secret - that's my trick. It works every time. OK, almost every time. That 'almost' is the risk I take, but it's my choice to make and it beats the hell out of the alternative a million times over, let me tell you.

Do I tell you?

Not if I don't have to.

Not today.

Then again, maybe you already know.

::::: | Wednesday, Dec 14 2005 at 11:51 PM
::::: |

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