How About This?

How about this?

What if we start this again. And I won't say the word I said, and you won't have the thought that's swirling in your head.

And it'll be just like it was before you knew.
When I was new.
New to you.

How about this?

I won't say it, and you won't know.

And you won't judge me.
And I won't judge you for judging me.
And I won't have to judge myself for judging you for judging me.

God dammit, don't judge me.

How about this?

It's just a word.
But once it's said, there's no getting it back.
So I won't let it leave my lips.
The letters won't touch my fingertips.

Not today anyway.

How about this?

It's just a word, but the word is mine.
Once spoken, we've crossed a line,
followed by awkward conversation and thoughtful consideration that widen the divide between you and I.

How about this?

I'll be such a gentleman.
"After you," I'll always say.
You'll never know why I preferred you to lead the way.

How about this?

I won't ask.

You'll never know that I don't know what that says. You'll never be aware that I'm not aware of what that is. That thing over there. That thing I haven't yet deciphered. I won't need to because there's you.

How about this?

I'll speak in clever phrases, leading the conversation where I need it to go. And you will do your part. Without realizing it, you will provide the necessary details.

That's my secret. That's my trick. It works every time, though you'll mistake it for a tick.

OK, it works almost every time. That 'almost' is the risk I take, but it's my choice to make and it beats the hell out of the alternative a million times over, let me tell you.

Do I tell you?

Not if I don't have to.

Not today.

Then again, maybe you already know.

::::: | Wednesday, Dec 14 2005 at 11:51 PM
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Shawnte said:

How could anyone judge you for this? You're YOU, and believe it or not, it's part of what makes you amazing.

::::: | December 15, 2007 9:06 AM

(won't be published)


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