It was the end of my senior year of college.
She said that, back when I lived in the dorms, she used to date a guy down the hall from me. The one who always kept his door open.
I remembered him. His name was John, or James, or something equally common. Jim maybe. He had a weird need to prop his door open - but only when he had a woman in his room. He wanted everyone else in the building to know he had a woman in his room. It was a matter of pride. I decided it best to keep that piece of information to myself as I talked with her. Two years had passed - no good could come from mentioning it so long after the fact.
But I remembered.
I remembered walking past his open door. I remembered hearing a woman's voice - her voice - though I didn't know who 'her' was at the time. I remembered that she had a lovely voice. I remembered wondering who the woman with the lovely voice was and why she was with a guy like him.
He was a jock. He was the kind of guy a cute girl was supposed to be with. At least, that's what I always thought.
She said that, on those weekend mornings when she stayed with him, they used to lie in bed with the door propped open. "To let the breeze into the room" she said. Right. She kept her eyes fixed on me as the words left her lips, then she quickly looked away.
She said that I used to walk right by his door - always at the exact same time. She said she used to watch me walk to the men's room to take a shower. She remembered the silly little bucket I used to carrry... with my soap and shampoo, toothpaste and so on. And my bathrobe. She remembered that too.
But as my head swirled with self-doubt... as I wondered why a cute girl like her wasn't dating a nice guy like me... as I wondered why she was telling me any of this in the first place...
...I missed that she was blushing.
Funny how we get so lost in our own self doubt that we miss these things. One time a boy gave me his number, and all I could think was, "Yeah right, he wouldn't want someone like ME to call him," totally missing the point that he had just freely given me his phone number without being asked.::::: | November 4, 2005 11:27 AM