When D. and I lived together, I would occasionally come home to find her watching "The Brick Channel."
The Brick Channel was among her favorites. It was Channel 11, to be exact.
Me? I love The History Channel... I swear to god, I'll watch damn near anything they put on that thing. I once caught myself watching the history of 18th century naval vessels. I shit you not.
I said to myself: "Self... what are you doing?"
To which, I responded "Shut up! I'b waffing thiff. Wan fum popcorn?"
[munch munch] "MMmmmm"
[munch munch] "MMmmMMMMmmm"
The Brick Channel was far more exciting than The History Channel.
The History Channel represented all that was, whereas The Brick Channel represented what was happening this very moment at one specific location. The location was the entry of the building we lived in, thanks to a camera hidden in the building's call-box.
In theory, a camera in the building's entry sounds like a good idea. Before buzzing someone in, one could see who else might be there by flipping the TV to channel 11. But remember, the camera was located INSIDE the call-box, and the call-box was mounted low enough for a person in a wheelchair to use it...
...That means, what we really got was a view of the three B's: Boobs, Backs, and a brick wall... plus occasional nose hairs when someone would lean down to scroll through the names on the call box. This was the closest to seeing someone's face we could hope for. Unless we were ringing in a midget of course.
Now, I'm not saying that D. loved watching boobs, backs, bricks and occasional nose hairs. I think hers was a fascination with watching people coming and going from the building. I'll admit - it was bizarrely addictive.
"Who are those people?
Where are they going?
Who are they visiting?
Do other people have better looking friends than I do?"
I needed to know! "Are other people's friends' nose hairs better trimmed than my friends' nose hairs?"
Alas, all good things must come to an end. All poorly designed things come to an end too, because moving out of the building meant saying goodbye to The Brick Channel.
In my new building, I've traded boobs, backs, bricks and occasional nose hairs for bald-spots. The cameras here (there are two), are mounted somewhere in the ceiling, pointed down. It makes me want to write clever notes on top of my baseball cap just to see if anyone notices.
I wonder what I should call this channel?
The Bald Channel?
The Upper Noggin Network?