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Doctor, And The Gringo That Isn't

Doctor was a marvelous bird. He was a parrot whose cage sat in the far corner of the courtyard of the Justiniano family's home in Santa Cruz Bolivia. His name is actually pronounced "doc-TOR" - as in, "Doc, I TORE my spleen." (assuming a spleen is tear-able)

Doctor fit perfectly into the Justiniano family because he was big on personality. He whistled at women as they walked by his cage, he shouted random meaningless phrases in Spanish and occasionally he'd harass the dog. Being a bird must be a good gig. Especially with this family...

The Justiniano family had been dear friends of mine when I was a high-school exchange student living in Bolivia. They were proud of their country and happy to share. And, like Doctor, everyone in the Justiniano family was big on personality. So, naturally, when I returned for a two month adventure with my college roommate, we spent a week with them in Santa Cruz.

My college roommate's name was Jeff, and Jeff had never been outside of the U.S. before. I don't know if he'd been outside of his hometown more than a few times. He was a farm boy with a knack for stumbling into odd situations - but in a fabulous "no-harm, no-foul" sort of way - and he took it all in stride.

One morning while we were in Santa Cruz, Jeff decided that he wanted to add a phrase to Doctor's repertoire. I had no idea how or why he chose the phrase he did. His Spanish was very limited, so this might have been the only thing he knew how to say properly. All I knew was that, as I finished packing my backpack, in the distance I heard him chanting "El Gringo es un Americano!" over and over again.

"El Gringo es un Americano!"
"El Gringo es un Americano!"
"El Gringo es un Americano!"

I spotted Mr. Justiniano walking quickly towards Jeff with a sly grin.

Mr. Justiniano was one of those larger than life men with an even larger sense of humor. He didn't speak English, and Jeff didn't understand Spanish, but as Mr. Justiniano put his arm around Jeff's shoulder and shot him a wink and a smile, a bond was formed. They began chanting the phrase together.

"El Gringo es un Americano!"
"El Gringo es un Americano!!"

"El Gringo es un Americano!!!"
"El Gringo es un AMeriCANo!!!!"

"El Gringo es un AmeriCano!!!!!!!"
"El Gringo es un AMERiCaNo!!!!!!!!!!"

At this point, I walked off to take a shower. ...turning on the water, ahh, bubbles, bubbls, lather, lather, rinse, repeat, etc.

When I finished my shower, as I turned the water off, I realized a few more people had joined the chorus. The phrase was becoming a very loud jumble with Jeff's voice bumbling in and out of the rest as he tried to get the pronunciation right.

"El Gringoessunmerican!!!!!!!!"
"El Gringo Essunmericon!!!!!!!!!!!"
"El Gringo Is Una Mericano?"
"El Gringo Es unmarrican!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Elgringo Esunmaricon!⁄!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I dried myself off and got dressed as the chorus rang out. I returned to the courtyard to find Jeff, sporting a mile-wide with pride smile. He was surrounded by Bolivian men who appeared to be having the time of their lives. They paid no attention to me, determined to help Jeff teach Doctor to say the phrase.

"Hey Jeff, what'cha doin'?" I asked.
"Hey Rob! We're all teaching the bird a new phrase."
"What's the phrase?"
"Huh? Y'know... it's what they're saying..."
"I know what THEY'RE saying... but what do you THINK they're saying."
"Uh-oh..."

Jeff's face turned beat red as the crowd erupted with laughter knowing the jig was up. Everyone began patting him on the back and mussing his hair, which is the international code for "Gotcha!"

While I'd been in the shower, the phrase had mutated from "El Gringo Es Un Americano" to "El Gringo Es Un Maricon."

Jeff had unknowingly been teaching the bird to say "the Gringo is gay."

Luckily, Jeff has a great sense of humor.

::::: | Filed under: travel
::::: | Posted Tuesday, Oct 25 2005 at 8:46 PM
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