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You Animal!

Somewhere, there is an unwritten rule that says, when at a zoo, adults are supposed to move out of the way so kids can get a better view.

This really doesn't make sense when you think about it logically. Kids are younger than we adults, which means they're going to live longer than we will, which means they should get out of OUR way... after all, they'll still be around to look at the animals long after we're dead and gone.

But it doesn't work that way, does it?

I'm a nice guy, so I move out of the way to give the kids a better view. The following story is about a time I was glad I did.

I believe I was at the Fort Worth zoo... Or was it..? Hell, I don't remember which zoo this happened at... all I remember is the kids shouting.

"OHH!!!"
"AHHHH!!!"
"OOOOOOOOHH!!!"

They'd spotted the polar bear I was watching, and they came crowding around for a better look.

The polar bear was standing in an open grassy patch of ground on the other side of a giant observation window. The view couldn't have been better. There were a few trees in the polar bear exhibit, and a cave that led to an indoor area for the bears. But this particular polar bear was standing in open sight, maybe twenty yards away from the window that we were all on the other side of. He was facing us.

The polar bear turned around, and some of the children groaned. One of them said "Mommy! Make him come back!" I was thinking "It doesn't work that way kid," but sure enough, the polar bear turned around, facing us again. The kid cooed with joy, causing more kids to crowd around to see what was going on.

"OOOOOH!"
"HAHAAAAAAAA!!!"
"YAY!!!!"

But then the polar bear turned around again.

"OHHHH!!!!"
"AWE!!!!!
"NOOOO!!!!"

And then the polar bear did something nobody expected. He started walking backwards - towards us.

"Oh mommy mommy look!"
"Mommy what's it doing?"
"Why's it walking backwards?"

Now this struck me as curious. I'd never seen a polar bear walk backwards before. I have to admit, it was a pretty interesting sight.

As the polar bear continued backing up, he kept getting closer and closer to the window that the children now had their faces pressed against. Judging by the ruckus, it's safe to say they thought this was the neatest thing EVER!

"MOMMY MOMMY LOOK!!!!"
"Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!!"
"HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!"

The polar bear came to a halt. He was now standing only a few feet in front of the window, which meant that we were all staring at a giant polar bear ass.

"MOMMY MAKE IT TURN AROUND!!"
"Why's it looking the wrong way?"
"WHY WON'T IT TURN AROUND??!?!?!!"

The children didn't have to wonder for very long.

From within the giant polar bear ass came a giant polar bear poop that fell right in front of the window as the children roared.

"EEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!"
"OHHHH!!!!!"
"UUUGGHH!!!!!!!!!!"

And that's when I knew... polar bears don't like little kids either.

* * * * * * * * * *

Today's post was inspired by two animal-comments I received last week.

First, a comment on "Cat Gas..." from someone talking about their dog (why is there no frickin' gender-neutral possessive in this language?) I digress...

"Buster loved farts. He would bark just to celebrate that fart. What a goof he was. I miss him. Anyway, I just adopted a new dog. Somebody abandond a tiny poodley dog and I ended up with her... Man, if I fart in her presence her head jerks up and she turns her head sideways and looks at me like "Did you just fart?" Like she doesn't....."

That kind of comment is blog-gold I tell ya! It's the sort of thing that makes me want to tell a funny animal-fart story. And I dug deep, but alas... nowhere in this head of mine lies a quality animal-fart story.

The second animal-comment was posted on "If Ya Goat It, Flaunt It").

"I went to the Zoo in Portland once. I fell in love with the Hippopotomi. They're pretty good at poopin'! That show was worth twenty bucks!"

That's obviously the comment that reminded me about the polar poop.

::::: | Sunday, Aug 21 2005 at 12:47 PM
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