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I Know You're Going To Read This Because It's About Porn

A timeless tale: One spring day, the curious young boy stumbled onto his father's dirty magazine collection and wowzawowzawowza! Good times ensued.

Some men get hooked on the fantasy that porn brings: a bounty of beautiful women without even a hint of imperfection, just waiting to shag the holymoly out of them at no more than a moment's notice - as if that's all they're there for.

See the earrings that dangle off the lobes, leading eyes down to the neck - reach to brush back the flowing hair - running fingers softly upwards to the chin, along a cheek so soft, looking into her urgent yet sultry stare.

It's so simple in the fantasy.

She knocks at the door. "Hello?"   "...hi, I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar - and - er - speaking of which - you're cute - [flirt flirt, wink wink] - wanna F...?"

Some men never get past the fantasy. We all know who THOSE guys are... the ones who can't manage to be part of a relationship because they view women as little more than a means to sexual satisfaction.

I never thought of myself as one of those guys - ruled by fantasy. I'm a man who values the woman in my life as a partner. Sex is a wonderful thing - but so is meaningful conversation and sharing a laugh, holding hands at the movies, or spending an afternoon in the park playing on the swings. (at my age? Damn right!)

And yet, I've fallen victim to porn of another sort.

I call it "Real Estate Porn."

I can't help myself... I can surf apartment and condo listings online for hours, drooling ever so slightly over each one. Ooh, it's right next to Whole Foods! Ooh ooh, look at that balcony! Oh godddd - it's got exposed brick and hardwood floors.

Ahh, my real estate porn.

But, of course, porn is all about a fantasy. It's not based on reality. Nobody dreams of fighting about the mother-in-law. Nobody dreams of not tonight I've got a headache.

Real estate porn is no different... Nobody dreams of noisy neighbors or condo fees going up. Nobody dreams of the tuesday morning 4am garbage truck noise or toilets that clog.

I can always spot guys who are hooked on porn. They dream of busty blondes without a hint of personality, but I'd rather dream of being in love with a woman I could call my partner. (in fact, I've found just such a woman in my D.)   ...and yet, I still gaze into condo windows wondering what the lobby looks like, or if their views are better than mine. Are their halls well lit? DO THOSE RAT BASTARDS HAVE STORAGE?!?!??

Is it so wrong to dream of funky floor plans and stainless steel appliances!!!???!!!???

IS IT ???!?!?!?!?!?!!

I can't help myself...

I want...

I lust...

I crave...

...oh god, how I dream of a large open space with floor to ceiling windows, walls not shared by adjacent units, plenty of closet space and a balcony with a city view.

I can't help it.

...sigh...

::::: | Filed under: favorites, humor
::::: | Posted Monday, Apr 11 2005 at 6:05 PM
::::: | Link! | Email | Top







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