Mah-woah woah, wooaah!

Cats vomit.

Well, ok... we all vomit - but cats do it for different reasons than, say, a drunken uncle at a wedding or the college kid who thought it a good idea to eat month old frat party leftovers.

No no no... when a cat pukes, generally, it's all part of the plan.

Cats lick themselves to bathe, and they ingest a lot of fur in the process. Sometimes things get backed up in there, and it becomes time to clean house. Or, 'dirty loft while cleaning cat innards'.

Tucker always gives off a warning before he lets one go. He stops whatever he's doing and looks down, letting out a deep mumbling "mah-woah woah woah!"

...then comes the lurching...

"Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!"

That is followed by an arch of the back.

The tail stretches out.

Head thrusts forward.

And he spews.

I can usually tell the severity of the situation based on the last "woah."

"Mah-woah woah woah" means he's got a little furball.

"Mah-woah woah WOAH!!!" means he ate his dinner too fast, and Simon is about to get a hot meal.

"Mah-woah woah WHOOAA holycrap WOAH!!!!!" means all hell's about to break loose.

When I had hardwood floors, it didn't really matter which woah I was in for. I'd let him take his time and do what he had to do. Then I'd go and clean it up. You know you've got it good when you barf and someone pats you on the head before THEY clean it up, without complaint.

These days, we have carpet - so the routine has changed. Even his basic "Mah-woah woah woah" is followed by a panicked look of "what the fuck are you doing dad?" as I run over and scoop somebody up, hoisting his ass off to the kitchen so he'll puke on the linoleum.

"Huh! This. Huh! Sucks. Huh! I. Huh! Was. Huh! Planning. Huh! To. Huh! Puke. Huh! Over. Huh! There. Huh! Dammit. Huh!

Arched back.

Tail stretches out.

Head forward.

And he spews.

Today, during what was the most basic of woah's, I saw the funniest thing ever. Tuck let out a mini-furball type "Mah-woah woah woah!" ...I picked him up and hauled him over to the linoleum. I then tore a few paper towels off the roll to clean up with while he did his business. Huh huh and all.

When he was finished, I reached in to de-vomit the floor, and for reasons I'll never understand... he took a step forward.


He then lifted his wet paw out of his own puke and looked up at me as if to say "oh god, I can't believe I just did that."

Cats are such proud animals... it's kind of fun to watch one humiliate himself.

Splop indeed!

Being that it's Saint Patrick's Day, I suppose I should have hoped he'd hock up something green. Alas, nothin' but fluids.

::::: | Thursday, Mar 17 2005 at 3:39 PM
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bonnie said:

That is hillarious. It's so funny when cats do something stupid and then they pretend like they meant to do it. My old roommate's cat would do dumb things like run into a wall, or fall off of something, and then give us a look like, "Um, yeah. That's what I meant. Seriously." And then he'd slink off and hide.

::::: | March 17, 2005 4:40 PM

JuicyV said:

I found this quite heartwarming. Thanks for helping me bring back fond memories of my long gone kitty Spaz and his wicked furball pukeups! Man I miss him, pukies and all.

::::: | March 21, 2005 9:44 PM

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