Your Redneck Past

As Ben Folds once said, "There are a hundred ways to cover your redneck past." So much of who we are is of our own making, determined by our own choices. Sure, one's upbringing lays down the foundation - but what we build is up to us.

Be what'cha wanna be! Why limit yourself to anything less?

I never intended to be the child of an alcoholic who'd kill himself before my twelfth birthday. No. I specifically checked off the "astronaut" box on my Pre-Birth data Sheet*. Under "parents / negotiable", I selected "Tour De France winner" and "Scientist working to cure cancer", but in the minimum standards to be met section [*lines 47 through 92 on your P.B.D.S if you have yours handy] I selected "Stable Family" with a hillbilly factor no greater than 0.5, implying that one of the two parents might have maybe possibly seen an episode of Dukes Of Hazzard, but certainly never watched Hee-Haw.

Well, things have a funny way of working out.

I chose such a different path from my childhood that sometimes I forget my own past. I've grown to be the opposite of everything I knew as a kid... the rural child grew up to be a world traveling media man who finally settled in Portland Oregon, living a very urban life. I've built the life I'd dreamt of having. I couldn't be much happier.

Every now and then, however, my childhood creeps back out for a quick hello. and I'm reminded that things haven't always been this way.

Today's white-knuckled childhood flashback was inspired by Warner Brothers Studios, which is filming a Dukes Of Hazzard movie as we speak. And because Jessica Simpson has proven herself to be a moving mannequin, who better to play Daisy Duke? Johnny Knoxville will star as Luke Duke, Sean William Scott will be Bo Duke, and I will be shaking profusely with memories of my father perched in front of the TV at family reunions watching Hee Haw while I wonder when THAT will become a movie. Hopefully the answer is NEVER.

In a related story, Hurricane Ivan tore through Alabama this week. Damages are estimated between 35 and 40 dollars. I know that joke is wrong - but come on already! Hurricanes in the south aren't an "if." They're a "when." A mobile home on the gulf coast is like a house of cards on a California fault line.

It's the same reason I'd never buy condo at McCormick Pier (on the west bank of the Willamette, just north of the Steel Bridge). Eventually the river will flood again, just like it did in the mid 90's.

What's my point? I have no idea really... My train of thought fell off the tracks at least three paragraphs ago. Sorry!

::::: | Sunday, Sep 19 2004 at 5:20 PM
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smokey the grouch said:

At the risk of being the only person who posts comments and thereby revealing how much work time I spend perusing blogs........here I go again.

I appreciate the attempt to repress your redneck past. Most people do. Maybe that's why I embrace mine so openly. People actually cringe when I say I like country music. I have yet to feel the embarrasment they think I ought to. MY HOMETOWN HAD 357 PEOPLE. That makes me proud.

::::: | September 20, 2004 4:23 PM

kara said:

Your post brought back my childhood chronicles - briefly...thank goodness you added that joke - I feel better already.

::::: | September 21, 2004 10:49 AM

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