Why Guys Like Smokers

I have an old friend who doesn't drink or smoke - but he goes out to the bars every Friday and Saturday night. I was always the relationship guy, whereas he was picking up women left and right. He's the one who taught me why guys like women who smoke. I was single at the time & he saw this as the solution to my dating dilemma.

Here's his theory - toned down just a wee bit. Grin.

Guys like smokers because they're cheaper dates and they're easier to get into bed. Yeah this isn't always true, but in general, it's easier to hook up with a smoker than a non-smoker.

Hey hey hey! I know what you're thinking, but consider this: Places where smokers hang out are far more likely to be the area meat markets. Non-smokers go to bars & pubs where they can talk with the people they came with. Maybe they'll get food too. Smokers just need a place they can go to smoke. They're less likely to even want food. They're smoking. And smokers even bring their own entertainment! [their cigs] They're cheaper dates.

Non-smokers are likely to go out hiking and biking and doing outdoorsy stuff. Thus they are harder to find and even harder still to keep up with. Non-smokers make for great friends because they've always got something to do. Smokers are easier to find, and they're slower moving. They're likely to go wherever they can hang out and smoke. Smokers are great for when you want to hook up with a member of the opposite sex ifyouknowhwtaImean because smokers are where the action begins: the seedy meat markets.

Is this always true? Of course not - but we're dealing with the law of averages here people!

It's also true that people are more likely to think something is OK to do if they're seeing other people do it. Go to bars and pubs where non-smokers hang out, and they're usually eating and talking with the people they came with. It's harder to get in there and pick one of them up. But you see it all the time at the seedy meat markets where smokers hang out. That means smokers are less likely to frown on a one night stand because they see it all the time. So, as my friend once told me, you hang out with smokers and put on the charm. Before you know it, you're headed home with a smoker for the old hump and dump.

Here's the best part of my friend's theory - and he was quite clear about this. Fuck that smoker like there's no tomorrow. Tie her up if she's into that, take her from behind, let her ride you, throw her legs over your shoulders and really give it to her. Do whatever you both like. But make sure you really fuck her hard. Make her tremble, make her sweat. Fuck her to the point where she has to remind herself to breathe. She's giving you her body, so make sure you make it worth her while, y'know? Plus, if you've banged the holy hell out of her, she's going to need a cig. When she goes outside for a smoke, lock your door and go back to bed.

Man I love a good night's sleep.

::::: | Friday, Aug 20 2004 at 11:29 AM
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Jenn said:

Interesting theories... Even when I am not in a "heavy smoking" period, I would always bring cigarettes with me on a first date because:

1. If the guy is a non-smoker and a loser, you can chain-smoke, blow smoke in his face, and other unsavory things to make the evening end early.

2. "What brand do you smoke?" can be a useful topic of conversation if you can't find anything else to talk about.

3. If all else fails, a lit cigarette can be used as an element of surprise weapon to buy you just enough time to run like hell if your date gets way friendlier than you're comfortable with. "Oops! Did I do that? My bad... gotta run!"

::::: | August 21, 2004 10:50 PM

Me! said:

OH - MY - GOD - !!!

Numbers 1 and 3 are PHENOMENAL!

::::: | August 22, 2004 9:34 PM

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