To the woman waiting for the good men to find HER: There's a guy who started volunteering at the humane society a few weeks ago. He loves animals, but really, he's trying to meet people. Oh look! How cute! There's another volunteer flirting with him. (come on man, don't you realize she's flirting with you? Flirt back! Yes... just like that. Yes you WOULD like to have coffee with her sometime... suggest a time. YES, Tuesday after work sounds great) And just like that, another good man finds somebody else.
To the woman who reads the personal ads but is too shy to reply to any: Tonight, another shy woman is going to meet the parents of a guy she met through his personal ad. They'll grin as they lie about how they met because she's shy about such things. They're a cute couple.
To the woman who won't kiss a guy before they've dated a while: Another woman is lying on a blanket in the park. She's on a date, kissing the boyfriend that should have been yours.
To the woman with the rules for what happens on what number of dates: There's a woman who is absolutely exhausted right now. She went out for a drink on a first date that ended on her living room couch as they cuddled, watching the sun rise. She doesn't know it yet, but he's cooking her dinner tonight. She also doesn't know that he's a lousy cook - but she'll find out soon enough. It won't matter because his heart's in the right place, and she'll know it.
To the woman who wouldn't hold hands on a date: Your date from a few months ago is lying on his back as we speak and another woman is on top of him. They're not holding hands though. His hands are caressing her breasts and she's using hers to hold herself up as she rocks back and forth, a few moments away from orgas... wait - there it is - shake, shake, whooooo... Now she's lying down on top of him as he hugs her tight. Look how they adore each other. It's perfect. Oh, and notice where her left hand is now. It's in his right hand. I guess they're holding hands after all. Perfect.
To the woman that just posted her first personal ad because she hopes to have children someday and feels like her biological clock is ticking: You've got the right idea! Just remember: Find a good husband first and foremost because the best fathers love their wives. And while you're at it, start volunteering someplace, and join a social group or two if you've got the time.
To myself: Don't forget to take your own advice buster!