The Only Toy Tucker Ever Enjoyed

In the spring of 2003, the woman I was dating decided that my cats needed a toy. I can't even count the number of people who've had the same thought.

I've tried just about every kind of cat-toy imaginable: fuzzy toys, shiny toys, toys that make noise, toys to squish, toys to chase. All of these were bought in vain.

My boys don't play. They lounge.

Rather than follow the normal course of suggesting a toy and then arriving with one next time despite being told not to bother, she decided to take the Do-It-Yourself instant-toy approach.

She fished through her purse and then whipped something small across the room.


"Just watch" she said. "Cats love tampons..."

Well that's a phrase you don't hear every day, eh? Not that I've got much experience in that department... but... well, I don't think that's what they're for. Still, Tucker's curiosity was piqued.

He cautiously approached the tampon, not knowing what it was (why would he?) or what to do with it (again, WHY would he?).

Tucker sniffed it. Then he looked back at me as if hoping I'd tell him what to do next. "You're on your own buddy... this is virgin territory for us both really."

He kicked the tampon - and lookie there... It rolled.

He kicked it again.
It rolled again.
Sniff, sniff...

Oh-oh... the look of sadness came as Tucker sent the tampon flying under my dresser. Being a good dad, I got up to fetch it.

"Ah, don't bother..." she said. "I've got more. Here you go Tucker!"

Sniff sniff...
Scurry scurry...

The second tampon rolled under the fridge. And another got lost under the bed. And another went under the couch.

For a while there, it was pretty much raining tampons at my place. Both Simon and Tucker got in on the feminine hygiene fun.

A few months later, I found a button I'd lost a long time ago. OK, technically, Simon found it...

"Are you actually playing with something Simon?" No... he just wanted the button removed from his favorite spot under the bed.

Still... this made me think back to the woman I'd been seeing in the spring. It dawned on me that I had no idea how many tampons she'd thrown around on that tampontastic day. I *ASSUMED* I'd found 'em all - but had I?

My real fear is that, someday, I'll have a new date over... possibly seeing my place for the first time. Wanting to make a good impression, I'll introduce her to my boys.

"Oh, your cat is so cute" she'll say.

I'll tell her I have two. "This is Simon. And Tucker's over there..."

She'll say "It looks like he's got something. What'cha got little guy..."


Before I'll be able to do a damn thing about it, Tucker will come trotting over with a tampon hanging out of his mouth.

And I'll have some explaining to do.

It's inevitable.

::::: | Thursday, Jul 29 2004 at 8:35 AM
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Giggle said:

What? No update Rob? Did it ever happen? Did Tucker ever find any more tampons?

::::: | September 26, 2006 2:45 PM

Lil said:

That's HILARIOUS! My cats occasionally snag tampons (in the wrapper) that have been left on the bathroom counter, and play with them, but they don't go crazy over them like yours. They do love batting around pens, attacking the catnip-laced sisal-rope "mouse", and the kitten chases the laser pointer light (my 2 adult cats are not impressed with it, though).

::::: | September 26, 2006 6:16 PM

Me! said:

In fairness, I never thought to ask if she was using catnip-laced tampons.

Do they sell those?


::::: | September 27, 2006 12:29 AM

chantel said:

If you want, I can go buy the kitties tampons for you. I know it might be too embarrasing for a guy.

"No, really they're for my cat!"

::::: | September 27, 2006 10:56 AM

Mari said:

I wonder if the boys would like Kitty Hooch? My older cat had never been interested in toys, but I got her a Kitty Hooch Mouse and it was love! If we ever meet, I'll bring a Kitty Hooch mouse just to see if your boys are impressed :)

::::: | September 29, 2006 10:53 AM

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