Me Verses Spam

Dear Persons Whom Forwardeth Me Bullshit;


After receiving my fifth so-called "hilarious" forwarded email of the day, I did some serious thinking about the whole email forwarding decision making process, and I came to a horrifying conclusion: the problem is you.

"Should I forward this email promising whiter teeth, inner peace and multiple orgasms?" It's a difficult decision to make, and it's a decision you shouldn't have to make on your own.

Fear not my loved one / close friend / dude I regret giving my email address to / person I've never met before! I offer you - free of charge - the following system for determining which emails to forward.

Follow this system closely, and you will improve the lives of so many people. Especially me - and we all know that's what matters most.

Here's how the system works:

If something is positively pee-your-pants-in-a-public-place funny, feel free to forward it after first confirming that it is indeed THAT funny [your judgment has already been called into question. No offense]

HOWEVER, when it comes to forwarding...


It is imperative that you forward this system to as many people as you possibly can. Search deep within yourself to find the massive amount of inner strength you'll certainly need, because you really must forward this to a minimum of 4378656793459734258907369234456.2 people, otherwise your life will not be worth living. This is true. Really it is. In fact, you know this is true because it is written here in text on your computer screen before your very eyes - thus it MUST be true! Seriously. You're falling behind if you expect to be able to forward it to enough people for your whole world to not turn to shit by noon tomorrow. Really - you'd best get a move on.*

Thank you for your time.

- Me!

P.S. *This is obviously false. It was intended to be a test of your newfound not-gonna-spam-nobody-with-junk skills. If you forwarded this to more than the following number of people you've screwed up in a very big way: ZERO

P.P.S. I am only half-kidding, so please remove me from your freeeeeeeeeeeeaking spam list.

::::: | Monday, Mar 08 2004 at 1:00 AM
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chantel said:

I have a very blunt policy about forwards. Don't fucking do it or I'll kick your ass.

My friends and family no longer forward anything to me. That's what MySpace is for.

::::: | July 12, 2006 3:32 PM

Me! said:

That's a good policy!!!!!

I'd try that, but sadly, I doubt it'd work. It's hard to kick anyone's ass when they're over a thousand miles away.

::::: | July 12, 2006 4:07 PM

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